Friends – when we become friends with another person, do we spend the duration of our friendship trying to change them or is the friendship built on the differences of one another and the acceptance of one another. Could it be in a marriage, like with our kids, we think that this is the beginning of a clean slate and thus, try and sway this ‘clean’ slate to our way, to be like us.
One of the challenges of memory is we hold to this recollection and even after it is updated, it is hard to let go of something we have held onto for so long. We remember our friends as they were in high school, we remember children as they were yesterday. And we presume we know what they will be. And to some extent we can control this, but the challenge is, they develop into beings, they are beings with discovery and if we continue to manipulate them into what we think, then they either don’t have happy lives or they grow resentful or they become rebellious. The goals of the parent is not to mold them, but to give them experiences, the opportunities, the love and support and courage to be who they are.
Interesting, the same goes for marriages, but is it possible. If a relationship is not meeting the needs of the other on an emotional level, then I think that is the root of the problem. Now that can be some of the things to do together.
My question as I write this, reflects on my own relationships(s). Like in many friendships, I believe there is give and take, in the good ones, the one’s that are close and span time. Isn’t there give and take, compromise, understanding, support and belief. I think I answered my own question. Richard Bach said in his book Illusions, if you ask a question clear enough, it answers it’s self. So, the answer is obvious, if someone does not want to do the above, then why have a friendship and how can one have any type of relationship?